I am super excited right now. In fact, this is the most excited I’ve been in a while. Some other single ladies I know asked if I’d be interested in going with them on a little trip. Why is that so exciting, you ask? Well, we’re going to spend two weeks this summer thousands of miles away from home! It has been sooo long since I’ve did anything either this fun or this spontaneous.

An old friend of mine shot me an email last month talking about getting together. We hung out for a bit and then I remembered why we used to get along so great. We started buddying around and then I met some of her other friends, and together we’re like a match made in heaven (even if we are a little bit dangerous). Well, it turns out they are a very adventurous group and a few months ago they decided to take a trip to Indonesia. There were four girls going but one had to back out at the last minute, and Megan decided that since I fit in so well with the group that they’d ask if I wanted to go. Heck yeah, I’ll go.

Believe it or not, we’re not just going to stay at some posh spa / resort, sitting on the beach for two weeks. These ladies are crazy. We’re actually going to visit four or five different islands while we’re there. Of course we’re going to party it up on the weekends, but throughout the week we plan on going to some pretty remote places. We’re spending some time hiking, going to parks, and even visiting a volcano!

I thought we’d be spending a lot of time on boats while we were there, since Indonesia is a big group of islands, but I couldn’t be more wrong. It turns out Indonesia’s also a bit bigger than I thought. We’re going to be flying from island to island staying at hotel murah, but Megan did her research and booked our flights on a local airline called Lion Air. According to her, the prices were very good and the place is pretty well reviewed. Of course, I don’t really know much about flying at all. The only flights I’ve ever taken have been paid for by work, but from what Megan was saying we’re getting a heck of a deal. It’s been way too long since I’ve did anything this fun and this adventurous. I’m really looking forward to seeing what Indonesia has in store for me.

One of my goals in 2013 is to learn to invest. Investing is something I’ve wanted to learn to do for a while but I never really knew where to start. I’ve been saving money for a long time but that money hasn’t been working for me. Money sitting in a savings account is safe. It’ll be there until it’s spent, and it may earn around 1% or so, but most savings accounts don’t even really keep up with inflation anymore. In fact, many stocks barely keep up with the rate of inflation anymore.

One thing that I thought looked pretty interesting were binary options.  They are a bit different than standard investments because instead of purchasing a stock and letting it sit, you’re basically predicting where a stock will be in a certain amount of time. It’s actually a pretty cool concept. Instead of buying a thousand shares of a stock at $20 a share, waiting a year, and cashing out at $20.50 a share, seeing a net gain of around 2.5% you play the market it a completely different way. That same share that’s $20, if you think it could hit $21 by the end of the day then you would invest a set amount of money ($100 for example) and if that share hit $21, then you could score big, with a return of up to 10x your original investment in some cases. If it doesn’t hit $21, however, then you lose your initial investment.

This investment option keeps things interesting. Instead of planting money in one place and playing the waiting game, I get to take a few risks with my money with the promise that there could be an even bigger payout. Of course, I wouldn’t recommend that anybody only invest using binary options, a person needs to diversify. If investing in standard stocks is boring, however, I strongly argue for playing around with binary options. There is huge potential for profit if you learn the market.

I will say, however, that I am still in the ‘learning the market’ stage. I’ve been watching the markets and have invested small amounts of money, but I’m by no means an expert. Like I said earlier, I’m hoping this year is the year I finally get a good system going. I know it’s a lot of work and it’ll take a lot of studying, but I have a feeling it’ll pay off.

After living in the city for a while and getting around mostly on foot (or public transportation), the time appears to have come for me to get a car.  Alas, I am losing some of my city cred.  Cuz you know, you’re not really city unless you don’t own a car.  There are some places I have to go, though, that public transportation is kind of a hassle for.  Not to mention coming up soon I will have to make a 45 minutes drive a few times a month to go to another office for some managerial type things.  I thought about using something like Zipcar but then I figured no, I’d rather just have infinite freedom and will just get my own car.  It will actually work out kind of well because my condo includes a parking space; I just haven’t ever used it.  If I were going to have to pay for parking then chances are I might be looking at other options.

So the first thing I need to do is find a good used car.  Honestly I’ll probably just get something with good gas mileage.  I’m a girl (STEREOTYPE WARNING) so I don’t really care about having a fancy sports car or something; I just want to be able to get where I need to go.  Honda Civic?  Toyota Corolla?  Now we’re on the right wavelength.

The other thing I’ll need is cheap car insurance in Tampa.  I know that the fact that I live downtown will make it a bit higher than it would be elsewhere, but since I do have an indoor parking space that may lower it a bit since I won’t be parking on the street.  Man, I hate parking on the street.  It’s part of the reason I avoided getting a car when I first moved here, because I knew I didn’t want to drive anywhere because that would either require finding street parking, which is a huge pain, or parking in a garage, which is usually expensive.  But I’m really glad I have a garage spot where I live so at least when I come home I won’t have to worry about trying to find a spot on the street.

On a related note, walking everywhere helps get you in shape.  I’ll walk like 10 blocks to get somewhere now and not even care, but when I first moved here if something was more than like 3 blocks away I’d be like “ugh, it’s so far!”  My legs would hurt when I got there.  But now I enjoy the scenery along the way.

It makes my brain start with “what is the opposite of the guy who is friend-zoned” to some degree. I think in terms of HS, its the not-as-cool girl, who hasn’t peaked yet, who’s book smart and who all the popular kids try to manipulate into doing their homework for them. She’s nice, she won’t rat you out cus she’s secretly crushing on you but she’s not a confident go-getter or rebellious. She does what is expected of her, conforms to all social norms, goes to school, goes to college, gets above average grades, doesn’t go far out of her comfort zone on any level to excel academically, financially or socially.

She’s forgettable, and is often leading a life of getting by, or doing jobs that don’t necessarily thrill her but that which gain the approval of parents or community. She probably has affinity towards animals or charity/volunteer work. She’s a people pleaser, but pleasing herself is not a priority. She’s not outspoken in relationships because of the need to please others. She probably has daddy issues.

Because of her people pleasing nature, she’s probably been teachers pets, and TA’s in college, and admin assistant roles in her adult life.

She probably drives a Prius or Corolla, drinks middle of the road tea instead of coffeehouse coffee, and likes to shop at places like JCPenny’s and the Gap. She wears sensible shoes, and does her own mani-pedi’s. She probably keeps her locks mid-length and no super bold dye jobs. Probably has a style that leans more toward the conservative side.

She’s wistful and watches things like Sex in the City and romantic comedies and pines to be the strong women figures she sees in fictional characters.

She’s a good daughter, doing any family thing required of her without a word otherwise. If she has siblings, she’s probably the middle child and is often bailing out or defending her more rebellious sisters/brothers.

She’s bookish, and may or may not be super aware of the importance of health and fitness. If she IS, its not to any extreme. If she played sports, she wasn’t a team leader and never very competitive. She probably doesn’t do any sports in her adulthood. She may be properly educated in sports, again, as a people pleaser but not because she especially enjoys watching them.

She’s probably cute, not gorgeous, average build, not fit, not fat. Not tall not skinny. Probably has average features on all levels.  May need corrective lenses but probably only wears them to drive or once she gets home, but uses contacts for daytime activities like work etc.

The tendency of religious or political affiliations is probably not super active, but more on the conservative side of things. Probably cookie cutter views to that of her family.

You were intrigued by her looks because she IS cute, but there’s a social awkwardness about her that makes you pass her by and aim for someone with a bit more substance and risk taking. She might not have much relationship experience or a lot of shorter term relationships that ended in disappointment on both sides. She’s probably looking to settle down before her partner is ready and thus pushed the men in her life away because of it. This may have created a scenario where she’s slept with more people that she wanted to to gain approval.

The situation:

“Well it’s a couple of things I guess. Mainly she thinks she isn’t good enough for me; she’s a little self conscience although I think she’s beautiful, and she feels that she needs to be “more successful” in order to be with someone like myself.

A little back story: I asked her out a day before she had to go away for a month (didn’t know obviously), so we got to know each other a bit via chatting and stuff. When she got back she said that she wasn’t ready to start dating, so I said no problem when you’re ready I’m here. We keep in touch but I still haven’t gone out with her because she refuses to see me even though she really likes me.

She then tells me that she’s been in some bad relationships before, and has a habbit of getting close to guys and then “going numb”, loses feelings for them and ends up hurting them. I’m trying to convince her that it doesn’t always have to be like that, and that I’m willing to work with her to make things work etc…

At times she’ll just get upset at me for no real reason, I think just to distance herself or “protect me” I dunno.

I really want to help her, I’m giving her her space and not trying to force things, as well as trying to convince her to be fearless and try to break her toxic habits with relationships. I’m just at a loss right now, what should I do?”

The reply:

Everyone wants a partner who’s “better than they deserve”; it’s a romantic relationship, not a business deal. When she says she feels like she isn’t good enough for you, that is just an excuse to tell you to go away without saying it directly. She doesn’t want you. From the sound of it, she has a history of attracting men who gently-yet-persistently refuse to take “No” for an answer, and she tolerates it as long as she can until she can’t stand it anymore. That is a much more plausible explanation for her “going numb”.

She’s getting upset “for no reason” because she doesn’t want you, and you’re not getting the message. Maybe she doesn’t consciously realize she doesn’t want you, so she can’t put it into words, or maybe she *does* consciously realize it, but she doesn’t want to say so because she’s afraid you’ll get angry, because deep down you think she owes you something in return for all the attention you’ve given her. Despite what your conscious intentions might be, you’ve already proven that you don’t really care about her feelings, or you’d have gone away and minded your own business already.

She doesn’t need a man to help her solve her problems. She is a human being just like you are, and she can solve her own problems. Unfortunately, you are one of her problems, and you are refusing to be solved. Stop wasting your time with her and go searching for someone who can’t wait to spend time with you. It might take ten years of being single before you find one, like it took me, but being single is better than being frustrated.

I have a book about it called “Experiences Beyond the Body” which tells stories about astral projection and also has some exercises and teaches you how to do it.

I’ve never been able to successfully project, although I first heard of it 15 years or so ago and have gone through periods where I would try for a while.  Here are my experiences:

When I was younger I used to have lucid dreams from time to time.  They were awesome and I loved them.  I didn’t know what they were at the time, however.

Later on as a teenager I got more interested in this stuff.  Of course, as a teenager, as soon as you become lucid in a dream you turn it into a sex dream.  Don’t laugh, you know it’s true!  You probably still do it, too, even as an adult.  Anyway, the lucid dreams became less and less frequent.  At this point, when I became lucid, it was a struggle to not become excited and wake myself up.  That’s a common problem, too; as soon as you realize you’re lucid you wake yourself up.

I learned some tricks to prolong the dreams.  If you are lucid and feel yourself starting to wake up, there are some techniques you can do in dream to help keep yourself dreaming.  The two that I tried were 1) demanding “clarity now!” in your dream.  Think it.  Say it.  Make it your sole intention.  Sometimes it works, sometimes it works momentarily and you still wake up, and sometimes it doesn’t work.  2) spin around.  Seriously.  Whatever you are doing in your dream, just start spinning.  Sometimes it works, and sometimes not.  But if you know you’re about to wake up anyway you might as well try it.  There are more techniques which you can find by Googling.

Sometimes I would experience what is referred to as partial lucidity.  It’s when you kind of know you’re dreaming, but you’re either not 100% aware, or you are aware but cannot fully take control of it.  It’s like your mind is working against you.

Sometimes, usually in the morning like if I wake up but stay in bed, I would get that “falling” sensation.  I have heard that this can be a predecessor of an astral projection, so I would try to work with it.  Sometimes I can feel myself kind of floating in my room, but I can’t see anything.  Sometimes I end up dreaming in this state.  Sometimes I end up dreaming that I am in my room, perhaps what I am imagining an astral projection would be like.

I have also had a similar thing happen at night, where I feel like I am floating, but it’s a scary, uncomfortable feeling.  And usually I can’t see anything.

I have also felt the vibrations and heard some strange rushing noises, which they say are precursors to astral projection, but sometimes they kind of freak me out and I snap out of it, and other times they just fade away.

There seem to be two schools of thought about what causes this.

1) it’s something metaphysical

2) it’s just something going on in your brain

People who think it’s just something in your brain also tend to dismiss near death experiences (NDEs) as just the brain shutting down.  There are also reports of people experiencing NDEs from stimulation to certain areas of the brain.  However, I read something suggesting that perhaps in those cases, the stimulation was triggering the natural events that happen when you die: sort of “hacking” the brain.  So yes, it might be caused by electrical stimulation in a lab, but it’s an actual process that is being activated (although obviously not to completion since the person didn’t die).